


Touchy-Feely

by rudbeckia



Series: Spookylux Huxloween 2018 [29]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-08 10:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16427891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudbeckia/pseuds/rudbeckia
Summary: Huxloween day 29: Horror movie auArmitage is having a bad day. He’s late for work, his boss is a creep, his friends keep reminding him that being single is an incomprehensible and terrible life choice, and there’s a new guy on the team.It’s like he’s stuck in his least favourite film genre.





	Touchy-Feely

A flurry of early snowflakes swirled down from a leaden cloud as Armitage pulled his coat tighter around himself, wishing that he’d had the sense to wear a scarf today. But he’d woken late, just had time to feed his cat and throw on his work suit over a shirt that only had the front ironed. He got to his office building and swiped his card six minutes late, tightening his lips at the knowledge he’d lose a quarter of an hour’s pay for it. He took the stairs rather than wait for the elevator and arrived in his office out of breath and pink. His first task was support for a strategy meeting. He put fresh coffee on to brew.

Mister Snoke stared at his chest and laughed when Armitage had walked in with a tray of coffee and set it on the table. “In a hurry again this morning, were we, Armie?” Snoke said as the other people at the meeting sniggered. “You’re hopeless. You need to find a man to take care of you. Here, let me fix your tie.”  
Armitage glanced down at the strip of pink polyester satin he’d rescued from the floor of his bedroom. He took a step back but Snoke was already on him, pulling at the fabric to tighten the knot and tuck the short end out of sight, accidentally brushing his knuckles across Armitage’s chest then deliberately smoothing the tie down with a flat palm. Armitage swallowed and backed away one more step before turning. As the door closed behind him, he heard Snoke say, “It’s a good thing he’s cute because he makes dreadful coffee,” and the others laughed.

The day went downhill from there. Armitage sat at his desk and almost cried at the humiliation, then Mitaka and Thanisson came over to offer dating advice, arms around one another, casually dropping names and details of people they knew to be single like Armitage until Armitage finally snapped and told them to bugger off. At that exact moment, Snoke’s meeting ended and all the department heads walked out of the conference room to witness Armitage yelling at his best friends, bursting into tears, then running for the bathrooms.  
“Don’t mind him,” Snoke said to the new man on the team. “You know what they say about redheads.” The new man frowned and shook his head but Snoke did not elaborate. “You will be taking over this department, Kylo. Your office is there,” he said, pointing, “and Armie will be your personal assistant.”

Kylo shook hands with Snoke. He wiped his palm on his trouser leg as soon as Snoke left and went into his new office. He sat down, still frowning. After a few minutes, Armitage came in, puffy-eyed and pink cheeked.  
“Excuse me, Mr Ben, you have a visitor.”  
“What?”  
“A visitor, Mr Ren.”  
Kylo shook his head slowly and rubbed his hands through his hair.  
“I suggest you let them in. Oh, and Hux, your coffee was just fine.”  
It was Armitage‘s turn to frown uncertainly at Kylo. He looked to be on the point of speaking but changed his mind and retreated to the foyer. Kylo listened as Armitage said, “This way, ma’am,” then a statuesque blonde woman marched into the room. Kylo stared at her. Armitage looked from one to the other and back again.  
“Should I take—“  
“Hux, something is very, very wrong.”  
“Oh! I am so sorry, um, what would you like—“  
Kylo stood up abruptly and stuck out his hand. “Miss... Phasma?”  
The blonde lady laughed with a hint of derision. “That’s awfully formal of you since we’ve carelessly slept together twice and you refuse to take my calls.”  
Kylo’s mouth dropped open and he shut it with an audible click of his teeth. “We... we slept together?”  
“Twice.”  
“We. As in... you. And me. Sex.”  
Miss Phasma snorted and sneered. “Let’s just say I dropped my standards for you. It’s not a mistake I intend to make three times.”  
She turned on her heel and walked out. Kylo came out from behind his desk and reached his hand out to Armitage, intending to clasp his shoulder, but Armitage took two rapid little steps backward and opened the door. “Oh no, not you too. Look, Mr Ren, I’m sure you’re a perfectly nice man but I get enough of the touchy-feely stuff from Snoke. He can fire me if I make a fuss. You can’t. So just... hands off.”  
“Hux I wasn’t...” said Kylo, but Armitage was gone.

Kylo thought over and over the day’s events, looking for a pattern. He’d turned up for a new job wearing an expensive suit that actually fit him properly. His hair was styled so well that even _he_ thought he looked slightly handsome. His skin was completely blemish-free as if he’d been retouched and he had a humungous crush on his ditzy secretary who clearly had no idea that he was smart and devastatingly beautiful. And he’d just been dumped by a gorgeous woman, so Armitage probably thought he was single but straight. He sat down and put his head in his hands as the true horror of his situation hit him.  
“No,” he said softly. “Oh no.”  
“Sorry is something wrong?” Armitage stood in the doorway. Kylo waved at him to come in.  
“Hux. You’re _Hux._ I’m Ben. Something weird is going on.”  
Armitage perched on the chair next to Kylo’s desk. “That name. Hux. It’s not my name but it _feels_ right. I _know_ I’m Armitage, but I like the sound of Hux.”  
“What do you remember about Phasma? Hux, think really, really hard.”  
“Snoke says—“  
“Fuck Snoke!”  
“Eww, no thanks. I mean, he’s made it pretty clear that he wants me and I might get job security out of it but... no. Just no.”  
“Hux!” Ben leaned forward. “Concentrate on Phasma.”  
Hux closed his eyes. When he opened them a minute later, he glared at Ben and muttered, “What the actual fuck? Ben, what is going on?”  
“I think,” Ben said slowly, “we may be trapped in a romcom.”  
“I refuse to be Bridget Fucking Jones. How do we get out of it?” asked Hux, dreading the answer.  
“I think,” replied Ben, “we have to see it out. You’ll think I’m a horrible boss and I’ll think you’re an idiot. Something will happen to make us realise we love each other deeply even though we just met and there will be some grand declaration after a problem. Maybe Snoke will fire you. Or fire me. Or you’ll think I’m back with Phasma—which I hope you know will never happen. Or the day will reset and I’ll have to live for ten thousand years to make you fall in love with me while you think you’re agreeing to go to bed with me within 24 hours or—”  
“Excuse me!” Hux stood up. “I am NOT sleeping with you tonight. We just met and you’re technically my boss so that’s—“  
“HUX!”  
“Oh. Right. Sorry. I got lost in being Armitage for a few seconds.” Hux sighed. “Can’t we just walk out of here and refuse to take part?”  
“I didn’t think of that,” said Ben.

Ben and Hux made for the doors. The elevators kept skipping their floor so Hux pointed to the stairs. They dashed down all fifteen flights and pushed each other out the door at the bottom, only to stagger into the lobby they had just left. Mitaka and Thanisson, holding hands under their desk, sighed and shook their heads.  
“Well then,” Hux announced. “I can only see one solution. I’m going straight for the grand gesture.” With that he sank to one knee in front of Ben and took his hand. Thanisson squeaked and Mitaka clasped his hands to his heart.  
“Kylo Ren, I know we only met this morning and you’re my boss so there’s a bit of a power imbalance here, but will you marry me even though you probably think I’m a vacuous gold-digger?”  
“Yes, Armitage. Even though we just met and you probably think I’m an asshole and a terrible boss, let’s get married as soon as possible. Preferably in front of a significant London landmark in suspiciously sunny weather.”  
Mitaka applauded and Thanisson sniffled.

“FUCK!” Hux sat bolt upright on the sofa. Ben snorted into consciousness beside him.  
“Honeybee? Did we just... were we... What happened?”  
“That’s the last time I’m falling asleep with a romcom on,” said Hux. “I had a nightmare that you were my boss.”


End file.
